
My mother is one of those people who never complains. She's had a stroke and has to walk with a three-pronged cane or, more often lately, ride in a wheelchair. She wears a black sling because she cannot use her right arm or hand (and she was right-handed). Before her stroke she and my step-dad would walk miles each day. They loved to travel. After the stroke they moved into an assisted living apartment. They don't travel now because it's just too hard for mom.
The point is, If anyone ever had reason to complain, it's my mom.
But Mom doesn't complain. If you ask her how she's doing, she says, "I'm doing just fine. How are you doing?" My step-father answers the same question with, "Well, we're still here." He has a pretty down to earth approach to things. But you won't hear complaints at all. Even when she has to take three tries to stand up and get going. I'm always a little suspicious that even if something were really wrong with Mom, she would not tell me about it.
I asked her once why she never complains. She wrinkled her brow, looked at me funny and said, "Who'd want to listen to that?" Like it was some kind of crazy question. I said, "Well, no one wants to listen to it, but that doesn't stop most people from complaining." She shrugged her shoulders and that was the end of it.
We switch now to Jim St. James for an explanation. Jim is a wise man. He's consulted with businesses through Clarity Consultants and he writes books and teaches for Miracle of Love. Kalindi calls him the teacher of teachers. He is starting a college where you can take classes in spiritual advancement. And he has something to say about being a victim (or not) and the role perception plays.
Jim wrote a chapter called "Perception is King," in a book of collected talks by Kalindi. I wanted to share one of the things he said in that chapter. I think it explains my mom's lack of complaints.
The trick is to not accept the premise -- to reject the premise flat out -- that you are a victim. You are in a world where almost everything is not in your control. However, every single shred of how you choose to perceive a situation is totally within your control. Nobody forces you to perceive anything other than what you decide to perceive.
My mom didn't choose to have a stroke, but she chose not to be a victim about it. I wish I took after my mom a little bit more. I often find a way to complain about the extraordinary life I have. Remembering that I am always choosing helps me be stronger. Choice is strength. When I feel like a victim, I have forgotten my own choice and am making believe I'm at the mercy of someone else's choices. This is simply not true.
No comments:
Post a Comment