Feeling God

I want to write about feeling God just to see if I can do it. My first thought is that it's impossible. There are no words to describe a feeling of God. But there definitely is the experience.

I spoke to some Jesus girls recently. They were at an esoteric fair with about 18 of their friends. These 20 or so young people were talking to those who walked by their booth. I call the two girls I talked to "Jesus girls" because they were on fire for Jesus. They were young, spirited and idealistic. They obviously didn't just think about Jesus, they FELT him. But when I asked them when they had first felt or "experienced" Jesus, they both looked at me blankly. Don't know if it was a language translation problem or if they just had never thought about it before. Whatever the case, they moved on to quote a Bible verse about something else. I guess there are not any Bible verses about having an experience of Jesus.

My youngest brother had an actual experience of something he called the Holy Spirit. He was sitting in a car outside his church at the time, praying with another guy. He said all of a sudden he got a rush of energy -- very intense -- like nothing he'd ever felt before. He was afraid, but he kept on praying, which I think was a prudent response on his part. He became an ardent Christian and practiced Christianity ardently for a number of years. But that's another story for another day.

Back to experiencing God. I first had an undeniable experience of God in the Miracle of Love Seminar in April 1994. For me this experience was that I prayed fervently and my prayers were answered almost immediately. My prayers in meditations became a conversation between me and God. (This was before that book by Neale Donald Walsch.) As I was feeling things in my meditations, I would say, "Show me" and then He would show me. I actually saw videotapes of my childhood -- things I did not remember had happened. I went through the whole Seminar this way and it was only at the end of the Seminar that I realized with shock that I'd been having a conversation with God the whole time. I would have told you people can't converse with God; God is way too busy for that. It would be your imagination, I would have said. But I was wrong. God wasn't too busy and it was not my imagination. It was an experience from which I will never recover. Thank God.

In the almost 16 years since that first experience, I have felt God many times. I won't tell you I feel Him constantly. Some people say that, but I don't think they mean the kind of feeling I'm talking about. I mean being taken over, swept away, reduced to tears by God. I mean crying like crazy or screaming into a towel because the energy is so overpowering and knowing at the same time that there is nowhere you'd rather be and nothing else in the world you'd rather be doing than writhing on the floor in ecstasy. I've had the thought more than once, "If my family could see me now..."

Feeling God is not for the faint of heart. Kalindi's teachings are designed to catapult you into God. The aspect of God in particular that you fly into is Gourasana. The Jesus girls were not keen on the idea of Gourasana, a modern-day Incarnation of God. They quickly pointed out to me that Jesus is the only way: "See, it says so right here in the Bible!" But I have to say, if they could be open-minded and be fortunate enough to experience God through this Incarnation called Gourasana, their eyes would be on fire and probably their hair would catch on fire, too. I love Jesus, but I want the most powerful incarnation for this day and age. I'd like to be able to say some day that I truly feel God constantly. Stand there with my hair on fire and a great big smile on my face.

Well, I gave the description of feeling God my best shot. If you've experienced God, write a comment, okay? I'd love to hear from you.

Goodnight now.