Being Alone

I like to spend time alone. Here are reasons I like to be alone:

• All the stuff that's been said to me during the day can sink in

• I can stare off into space, cry or fart and no one comments

• I am not affected by the emotions of others

• I can talk to myself out loud

• No one looks at me

• No one bugs me

I want to elaborate on the last reason: "No one bugs me." I have 3 brothers and 1 sister. Our usual refrain when we were kids was, "Philip's bugging me!" Philip is one of my younger brothers and he took great delight in annoying us. He'd poke us or stare at us or sit too close. Anything to get a rise out of us. Now he's an Environmental Compliance Manager in Kansas and he bugs people who make the environment toxic. Good use of his natural skills, I would say. He's also a very talented writer who can make you laugh about almost anything. But the point is, there was a lot of bugging going on when I was a kid. So I know bugging.

Now I'm in spiritual work and my purpose is to let go of my ego, false self and other illusory ways of being. Letting go gives God more room to be and that's what I want. Trying to let of ego is no small task. You need help because you can't see it; it feels like YOU, not like your ego. If you're lucky, you are in a situation where you can get a lot of help from others who are doing the same work. The fastest way to let go of the ego is to see it as something different than your Self. To do that you, like me, want to invite people to point out to you what you do that is driven by ego. So basically that is everything you do -- especially if you're me. I admit it. But sometimes I just need a break from the help. I even need to let my own mind calm down and stop bugging me.

Sometimes it seems like the amount of time I like to spend alone keeps increasing. Hmmm...suspicious. At this rate, I will be a hermit by the age of 65. I'll have to move to the Jura Mountains in Switzerland and live in some remote cul-de-sac. Me and my ego. Okay, that doesn't sound so inviting. Sorry I mentioned it.

But still. It is okay, Susan, to take a break. This work is difficult. Luckily God helps and His Grace is free-flowing. Luckily I can see progress in myself. Luckily I have a spiritual master and am in the company of many seekers who are devoted to their own freedom as am I. Luckily it's okay to take a break.

Thank you and I'm signing off now. Don't bug me. :-)